Sem-ender Feels

It’s crazy how, for almost one semester, everything is great and you’re happy with the way things are going on in your life, and then one morning you just wake up to find out that these things are all falling apart.

The semester is about to end in one week (hopefully) and last August, I never expected that it would end this way—stress, problems, never-ending exams, stress. I know that I’m at fault here in some aspects, such as procrastinating a little too much and oversleeping, but I’ve been encountering many incidents that I feel like are happening to me just for the sake of making me miserable. I don’t know anymore. It sucks. Everything sucks right now. And I freaking hate it.

Side note: Some parts of this post contain religion and stuff. I’m a firm believer of God, and if you can’t respect my beliefs, might as well leave now.

 A black cat crossed my path last week—could that be the culprit? I stumbled upon a student who encouraged me to join their bible study, but I never really responded to her—is God punishing me for not accepting the offer?

These thoughts, oh my goodness, these exaggerated thoughts are stressing me out with each minute that passes, and I still have a lot papers and exams to stress about on top of that. I hate that I kind of believe in these cat superstitions or in the idea of God punishing me for not attending any bible study sessions (though I would never know if God really is angry at me). The one thing that I don’t need right now is negativity, and it’s exactly what my mind is giving me.

My biggest fear right now is the possibility that I have to move my flight to another date. I am so scared that my parents would be livid once they find out that I may have an exam two days after my flight, and I don’t want to disappoint them anymore. I’m continuously praying that this doesn’t happen. I’m continuously hoping that my professor has a pure heart and will allow me to take the exam earlier than the original schedule. But I’m also continuously thinking of the bad what ifs and they’re fucking up my mind. I’m really scared of what’s to come next week.

Remember the last entry that I posted? Yeah, I know, who would have thought that that day was the ultimate calm before the storm? I surely didn’t. I really wish I did.

P.S. I saw one drastic changed that happened to my face: I developed a wrinkle beside my nose. I am growing old because of stress. I’m starting to look like Itachi from Naruto. #sendhelp


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