A Poem about Self-hate

Inspired by the stress that I’m getting from this college semester.
I’m apologizing in advance because I don’t actually know how to make poems (I just pretend that I do).

Right now, something wicked
is living inside my body.
It’s taking over my mind and
making my judgment foggy.

It feeds itself with negativity
and it’s turning into a monster.
I have no choice but to fight it
or else, it will only get stronger.

When I woke up today,
there was a heavy feeling in my heart.
My mind kept chanting,
“You’re not confident or brave
or smart.”
I heaved a heavy sigh
and dragged my feet to the ground
I still had to go to class even though
my motivation was nowhere to be found.

I didn’t prepare for school;
I prepared for my funeral.
But funeral equals death
so I thought, “Should I try breaking my skull?”
I also thought of falling on stairs
and bashing my head,
yet a small part of me says,
“I don’t want to be dead.”

These destructive thoughts
I have to resist,
but the last thing that I want right now
is to be here and exist
And I know self-hate and self-doubt
won’t get me anywhere,
but i just can’t help but
to live in despair.

…and then I ran out of rhymes. But seriously, beating yourself up with toxic thoughts is one of the worst things that you can do to yourself. I’ve gone through this phase when I was in high school—I think I’m going through it again—and it came to the point where I felt pathetic, anxious, and paranoid of everything. It made me antisocial and I isolated myself from my classmates because I thought that they hated me (they probably did lol) and that I wasn’t good enough as a human being. Don’t do it.

Remember that the only person keeping you from doing great things is yourself. The motivation that you need, the confidence that you’ve always wanted—it all starts within you. And I know that it’s hard to feel good about yourself once you’re stuck in that horrible stage, but if you start small and continue to work on it, you’ll get there eventually. I swear, once you see yourself as the awesome person that you really are, other people will start seeing it, too.
(I seriously need to tell this to myself.)


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