Sem-ender feels 1.2

Genuine question: is there a college student out there who feels happy and worry-free during the last month of the semester? If there is, how are you doing it? Where do you get your optimism? Because I (and the other students in my university) certainly need it. And I know that I have a reason to be happy because the semester is almost coming to an end, but I just can’t help but feel uneasy.

Obviously, I should be rejoicing because—yay—I’ll finally have the time to catch up on some films, TV series, and sleep. Right now, these are the only things that I want to do (especially sleep; I really, really need some sleep). But the semester ending means that I only have four weeks left to complete my library research paper and just thinking about it stresses me out because it isn’t progressing fast enough.

Then again, I’m the only one to blame here because I could’ve used the Holy Week to hunt for some references online, but what did I do instead? Binge-watch Gravity Falls. Yes, the cartoon that airs on Disney Channel (it’s a well-made series, okay, it’s on par with The Legend of Korra). And I swear, I was watching every episode with guilt but I just couldn’t stop. Please tell me I’m not going insane.

Anyway, I have to suffer the consequences. The only thing I’m allowed to binge right now is that damn research paper, on top of other papers, speech presentations, projects, and exams. Don’t be like me; do your work as soon as you can so you wouldn’t have to shed a tear for every paper that you haven’t finished before sleeping.

Also, I’ve been noticing some unusual things about me lately, which only started recently. One, my body isn’t waking up to my phone’s alarm anymore. This has been frustrating me because the time that I could’ve used to study and shit is wasted, and all because I couldn’t wake up to my alarm. I’m not a heavy sleeper—well, I wasn’t before this happened—so this whole thing is baffling me.

Last night, I tried setting five separate alarms with five different ringtones (each of them five minutes apart) to be very sure that I’d wake up at midnight, and I guess it didn’t work because it was suddenly 6AM when I got up. When I checked my phone, the first alarm was still on, meaning that I did hear it and I turned it off (I honestly don’t remember doing these). The other four were off, and it meant that they kept ringing until my phone realized that I wasn’t going to get up. Is it me or is it the phone? Either way, it’s fucking infuriating.

The second unusual thing: I’ve been very pissed off lately—see that last sentence in the paragraph above? I don’t know if it’s because of stress or my hormones are just acting up, but I’m so easily angered by everything around me. I even get (silently) pissed at people I don’t know. And if we were in the world of The Knife of Never Letting Go, you’d lose count of how much I’ve cursed in my mind. My parents would be disappointed in me. I’m sorry, parents.

Hopefully, this isn’t a permanent thing because I hate myself in this kind of mood. The last few weeks of the semester are always the hardest, and I pray that I come out of this replica of hell in one piece.

Here’s my post about my sem-ender feel for the first semester, which is just as stressful as this one.


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