The thing about me that I hate the most is the fact that I panic very easily.
It may not be obvious in a physical sense, but the panic is present in there, swallowing my entire existence as it devours my brain with paranoia and tons of what ifs (the bad kind).
See, there’s a whole process for this kind of thing. First, you think about that certain responsibility that you have to do—let’s just say you’re doing a two-page paper, as an example. You imagine yourself looking for some sources online so you could have something to write about. You imagine those technical and professional-sounding words plastered on every sentence of your paper as you type in the final letter. Period.
You imagine yourself feeling extremely satisfied that you’ve done something productive; bonus points if the paper were actually substantial.
However, it’s only an imagination.
So you actually open MS Word and a new tab on Chrome.
And you stare, and stare, and stare, and stare.
A small moment of fear flashes by you, but that moment is what’s going to ruin everything because, at that moment, you realize that you won’t find any good sources for your paper, making you not have anything to write on said paper, meaning you won’t have anything to pass on Monday, which means you’ll fail at class and (most probably) at life.
As these thoughts wander around your brain like an annoying Windows XP screensaver, you lose the motivation that you just had minutes ago and you lose the will to find that motivation again. All you’re feeling is that annoying throb in your head telling you to just do it!!! but, again, I don’t even have the guts to think about it anymore just leave me alone for like ten years GEEZ.
This is currently my life and the reason why I’m currently cramming for practically every subject that I’m taking right now.
If that’s the case, why am I in this stupid blog? Beats me.