Stray Thoughts: Study Session

It is a known and annoying fact that our minds divert their attention to somewhere else that isn’t school-related whenever we try to study. While I was studying for the prefinal exam of a certain midyear class, my mind kept going to places that don’t involve standard errors, regression analyses, and the like.

This is a series of thoughts that popped up in my mind while I was doing an intense study session for an exam. They may not make sense to you, but this wasn’t written for you, anyway.

13 July 2016 | Midnight, most likely.

My admiration for my professor is different in a way that his looks aren’t the main factor; it’s his seemingly effortless ability to make number-hating students like me love (and love to understand) something as complicated as statistics. Seriously, it’s crazy, but my brain loved learning about the topic. This is what makes an amazing teacher.

Before completely falling asleep earlier in the afternoon, as I lay in my bed, my mind was unconsciously blurting out the formula for the standard error of proportion, which is √[(P(P-1))÷(n)]. I can’t believe that I almost dreamt of a formula.

I constantly fear that I’m not doing enough to achieve my desired grade for this class. Enough, meaning I’m not doing as well as the other students in the university. As of now, I’m feeling very studious and motivated, but as UP students aren’t we expected to be like this all the time?


So what, if I’m being studious right now? Everybody has been like this—exerting the same effort as I am now—for far longer than I’ve been. I’m not doing well enough.

I once called related samples, paired pairs.

(Note: #HormonalSelf alert.)

Since uni life started, I’ve always said that I miss the feeling of having a crush, or someone to admire because a.) focusing on surviving college is my top priority; and b.) there’s really not much to see in our college, let’s be honest here.

And then, as the middle of midyear rolled around, The Feels™ grew and life said, “Welp, you got what you wanted.”

What I forgot about this feeling is that those wonderful butterflies in your stomach come with another (unwanted) package: pain. Pain—that lingering feeling you get once you realize that you don’t have a chance with that someone because of many factors, and once you realize that you might not even have a chance with anyone you like at all because you just don’t have that attribute that most people want and/or like.

Your feelings can wait. The exam tomorrow cannot.

I don’t have the right to feel anything right now. It’s not even the same feeling as the one earlier. I have no idea if I’m panicking or what. I think I was victimized by the intensity of Kopiko 78°C again.

I keep getting distracted by the internet. Whenever I browse a site, I always get this feeling of guilt and shame because I can’t control myself (even if I know that I can). If this is what addiction feels like, I don’t like it. Get it away from me.

Confirmed: these are hormones, or maybe the lack of Reciprocated Feelings™ in my life. But since I’m not a mushy, hopelessly romantic pessimist, I’m gonna go with hormones.

(Note: this was the day of the exam.)

I’m feeling jittery.

The thought of not seeing my professor and labmates (forever, maybe?) saddens me a lot. I don’t want to repeat the whole class ever again, though, so if that’s the price of not seeing them every day anymore, then so be it.

I also keep thinking how I had so much fun taking this class, despite the difficult exercises and exams. It’s not that fun, but the amount of fun that I had is more than that of my major subjects (combined—oops, I think I’m being too truthful here) This is leading me to think that I’m not that fond of my degree after all.

How do calculators calculate so quickly? What’s inside them?


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