As the last week of my existence as a third year college student rolls in, I am filled with dread, disappointment, and lots of questions. Is the semester really ending? What will happen to my grades? Why does it feel like I’m still stuck in the middle of the race track, while everyone else seems to be preparing to step on the finish line?
Basically, I feel like I’m ten steps behind everyone and, no matter how fast I try to run to catch up to them, they’re still way ahead of me (not that it’s their fault).
First of all, what is up with me this semester? I’m failing my exams for my major subjects, I’ve been late for two consecutive times in passing an online requirement, and my motivation is just dead. I’ve been looking for a possible reason as to why my brain has become this giant slimy ball of mess, but to no avail.
And then, there’s this constant angsty feeling that I thought I overcame in the past which, it turns out, I’m only suppressing for fear of falling into the “dark side” again.
Also, this semester is giving me intense déjà vu vibes. I sense a lot of similarities between this semester and this semester:
I’m struggling to finish a paper.
If you’ve read my Sem-ender Feels post back in 2015, you’d know that it was one of the worst experiences I’ve had in college, in terms of academics. I almost gave up on my research paper—I almost accepted 5.0 as my actual grade.
Now, here I am, back with the same dilemma. This time, it’s a research paper for my science & technology class, and it’s worth mentioning that this class has a reputation for being easy. I don’t get why my experience with it says otherwise.
But fear not, self. I believe that I’m more mature now. And by that, I mean I won’t cry about this paper until I submit it to my professor and, more importantly, until this nightmare of a semester ends. But after this semester, you bet your 🍑 I’ll cry.
I’m not happy about the semester ending.
Look, don’t get me wrong. I love that this Dante-esque hell is about to end, but I just feel like there’s still too much on my plate to say that I’ll finally be free. Just like what I said in my Sem-ender Feels two years ago, it stresses me the fuck out that I only have less than a week left to complete all of my requirements and meet my deadlines.
I keep telling myself to just keep calm and go through these requirements one by one, but my mind always ends up being like Michael Scott from The Office.
My alarm is as useful as a fake pocket.
Again, just like 2015 Me, my phone alarms don’t wake me up anymore. I can’t count the number of times I’ve missed my 8AM classes because of this, which brings me to the most frustrating thing I’ve done this semester: miss my classes. I am angry at myself because I have the audacity to take my classes for granted when my parents paid for each lecture session. (I’ve only missed, like, four classes, but still.)
Then again, one of my professors is the most monotonous professor I have ever encountered. I swear, if you were to attend his/her class, you’d skip it at least once, too.
I don’t condone you to skip classes! Don’t!! Learning about stuff is a great experience, especially when the things you’re learning are part of your daily life. Also, despite the many rants I’ve done about my academics, I still love and appreciate learning. I wouldn’t have felt this way about my education if I didn’t attend my classes.
Anyway, this has been Third-Year-College-Me, attempting to finish her research paper and study for her exam at the same time (and obviously failing because I’m writing a blog post instead of studying).