A Smol Bean’s Dilemma

People always tell me that I should take it as a compliment when I, a 21-year-old college student, am mistaken for a 12-year-old (or below). It means you’ll look young when you’re 40, they say. People would envy you, they say.

But other than that, what other good things should I be seeing here? Because from what I have and am experiencing, there are more cons than there are pros.

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Late Night Monsters

Why is it that a thing so small can become such a big deal to me?

See, there was this thing. And then as the minutes went by, I started to feel unsettled. It’s as if this thing was subtly getting bigger and bigger and I only realized that it had become massive when I was already sobbing silently—uncontrollably—as my throat closed up and the muscles in my head and neck tensed. There was no noise, yet somehow everything felt loud and chaotic.

But it was a small thing. In reality, everything was the opposite of what I was feeling. For that, I felt pathetic.

As my mind slowly went back to its normal state, I realized that I had impulsively broadcast my instability to the virtual public and now I have to clean up my mess tomorrow morning.

God, Dianne, I hear Regina George yell, you are SO stupid!

Assessing my 2017

Many people describe their 2017 as a mix of good and bad—I’m one of those people. My first half of the year was pretty nice; despite having a professor who gave unnecessarily difficult requirements in one subject, I was able to acquire a grade of 1.00 (the highest grade) in another. Like I said, a mix of good and bad. But then the internship happened and the year gradually became not-so-nice.

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Well, well.

Just a little update, I guess.

I haven’t really written anything (aside from my Arrival post) because of two reasons: a.) my academic and organization life had taken over my life last semester; and b.) it’s as if I lost my ability to write. Even now, I’m struggling to let the words flow freely.

But now I’m back and ready to churn out all the things I couldn’t write! Basically, this post will be a mess.

Continue reading “Well, well.”